eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
