Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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