I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm bleeding and have questions
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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