forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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