The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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