How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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