The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
