Yo dont text me then not text me
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
