I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
