I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
