So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
