I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
