Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
