my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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