I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
