dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
