I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
