i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
