Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
