i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
