I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
