i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
