i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
