call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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