Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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