i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
