It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
