The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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