so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
