I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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