Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
