she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I am mentally ready for anal.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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