Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
