I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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