My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
