i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
These tits shall not be calmed
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
