FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
