My room smells like vodka and shame
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
