i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize