so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
