You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
this boner is exhausting
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
