so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
