If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
