I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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