I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
