Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
