I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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