can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
