Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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