I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
We need to rekindle our bromance
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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