apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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